A Fortunate Daughter
On November 6, 2005, I woke to three successive thoughts in one nanosecond:
1. Mom’s gone. Utter destruction.
2. Mom and Dad are dancing in Paradise! Unbridled Joy!
3. Mom’s clear thinking again! She can understand me now!
A constant conversation began in that moment – and continues every day.
I still hear my Mom speaking to me. Most often, lately, I hear her saying, “Oh, Maureen. All this about me?! Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear!” I still feel her hand on my back. I still see her smile. Amen, indeed.
I know my Mom is – in the very present tense. And I am grateful … because I still need Betty’s Love.
Alzheimer’s Heaven
When my adored Uncle Charles became lost to Alzheimer’s, I developed a theory to which I still hold, almost 30 years later: Alzheimer’s is what God created for people whose souls belong in Heaven but whose bodies aren’t yet finished living.
I’ve often experienced Alzheimer’s Heaven in my journeys with Mom, two aunts, three uncles, and both Grandfathers (in stories and some memories). It was evidenced by days when Mom just wasn’t present in herself. “Surely,” I thought, “she must be somewhere!” Imagining Mom was already with God brought me immense comfort then – and still does, now nearly five years later.
In an interesting experience of Alzheimer’s Heaven, near the end of Mom’s Alzheimer’s journey, when she was asked how many children she had, Mom most often answered, smiling and with great confidence: “Eight.” I have one sister and one brother; and Mom miscarried five times. Heaven, indeed.
Chopped Liver
I talk all day about my Mom – and (not ‘but’) I need you to know: My Dad is no chopped liver!
Joseph Daniel Gavin was born October 6, 1918, the eldest of six children and the only to marry. A scholar, juris doctor, and Who’s Who of American Salesmen, my Dad was The Boss of our house (in the best Chicago-Irish ways) and a devoted husband, proud (and strict!) father, doting son, supportive brother, Faith-full Catholic, and ethical, honest, and hardworking businessman. When Dad passed in 1982, his customers told me they bought ‘Joe Gavin Steel’ (buying from him rather a company’s or brand product); any salesman will tell you there is no higher honor. Most important, he adored our Mom and ultimately sought her happiness above his own.
One of the few Blessings of his passing from lung cancer the age of only 63 is that Dad never had to witness Mom’s Alzheimer’s journey. And, though Dad ruled the roost (if, often, Mom made ‘suggestions’ that, magically, became Dad’s ideas) and was the focus of Mom’s world, I believe that Dad is – in the very present tense – delighted that Mom’s extraordinary Love, of which he was always the primary recipient, is now the focus of my Life’s Work. And I endeavor that he thinks I, finally, am ‘applying’ myself! [Thanks, Dad.]
Of course he’s no chopped liver. After all, it was he who put that Love in Mom’s eyes!
What’s in a Name?
My Dad taught me when I joined the workforce: “Keep your nose clean and remember that the only thing we ever truly own is our name.” That is proved true time and again – in business, in Life, at a military border between then-segregated Ireland and Northern Ireland.
Dad and his children were all born Gavin; however, his father was born Gavan. The surname was Anglicized during the 1901 Census of Ireland; I learned this during one of 21 trips to find my ‘Roots.’ [Ever searching, I am also my Dad's daughter in believing, "Travel is the best education.”]
In 2007, I changed it back, legally, and took the initial M, sans period, for all the Ms I’ve Loved and who inspire me – including my Aunts Margie, Mary, Millie, and Dorothy (called ‘Mema’), Merrily Kane, ‘My’ Jenny, Katie, Joey, Mary, et al, (a.k.a. ‘My Rent-a-Kids’), Máiréad (the daughter I adopted but lost), and, of course, my beloved Mom.
The judge, who happened to be Irish American, said (with gavel for emphasis): “Never have I heard a better reason for a name change. Done!” Despite (perhaps, in part, because of) potential confusion, I believe my Dad is proud of me and my name. And I’m pretty sure my Irish ancestors dance the Jig!
As for Mom: Well, she’d just be happy because I am happy. Such is Betty’s Love.
Thank you for your continuing generosity and support. With you, our grassroots movement will change the world … one Betty’s Love Family like yours at a time.
To paraphrase Jimmy Cagney, playing George M. Cohan in the great-for-your-brain-and-Spirit movie, Yankee Doodle Dandy:
My Mother thanks you.
My Father thanks you.
Betty’s Love Families thank you.
And I thank you, too.
Maureen M Gavan,
Fortunate Daughter, indeed – of Betty and Joe Gavin –
writing in 2009 (and shown here, in May 1967)