“Providing a Sacred Space”
Thanks to Jane Michaels of The Doings, her editor Brett Johnson, and their photographer, Joe Cyganowski, for sharing their Gifts to shine a beautiful light on Betty’s Love Alzheimer’s Charities. Jane’s article comprehensively and compassionately describes Betty’s Love and Joe’s Art captures many facets of ‘a Betty’s Love experience’ – including Maureen talking with her hands!
Thanks especially, to Karen Deane, who orchestrated both articles. And thanks to Kerri Arnold, Lauren Brzuszkiewicz, and all our Volunteers-with-Love who work so tirelessly to perpetuate Betty’s Love. Their Gifts-with-Love honor us immeasurably. Blessings, indeed! A special thanks to Joe Cyganowski for his Art-in-photographs. To read more, scroll down or view this printable PDF: Providing a Sacred Space – The Doings
Thanks, also, to the TribLocal for running a Karen Deane story about our Embrace Support Group. We meet regularly, for free, and wherever you are in the world. Read more in this printable PDF: Betty’s Love Brings Hope to Families – TribLocal
Providing a sacred space for Alzheimer’s patients
Maureen Gavan toyed with the idea of buying an old church in Ireland some day and running a bed and breakfast there while writing books. She wound up with an old church and a mission in La Grange instead.
Gavan’s mission is to share Betty’s Love, a nonprofit organization she founded and named for her mother, Betty, who lived with Alzheimer’s disease for 25 years before she died in 2005.
The old church Gavan bought in 2008 is the former Swedish Evangelical Lutheran Church on the southeast corner of Kensington and Ogden avenues.
“I got stuck waiting for a train,” she explained, leading her to investigate La Grange and discover the former church, converted to a private residence from 2005 to 2007.
The sacred space serves as somewhat of a silent, though integral partner in Gavan’s quest to share what few perceive as hopeful news when a loved one is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia.
“People think two things. There’s nothing I can do, and life is over,” she said matter-of-factly. “But that is so wrong. There’s so much we can do to boost cognition, and there’s so much joy every day.”
With laptop in hand, Gavan chats via Skype with families across the country and around the world coping with a loved one’s loss of mental and physical capabilities.
“Nobody comes here very often, but it still inspires so much of the work we do. This is an extraordinary sacred space,” she said. “There’s something about the energy after people have been praying here for 124 years.”
As Gavan walks around, the laptop’s camera captures the home’s stained glass windows, former altar, library and upstairs guest room with a spa-like bathtub in the former choir loft. The beautiful setting encourages caregivers to take time for themselves, essential to living with a loved one with Alzheimer’s, she said.
“Like in the airplane they tell you put your oxygen mask on first before you attempt to help anyone else,” she said.
Gavan practices what she preaches in living a brain-boosting lifestyle. The cheery blue kitchen with vibrant tile echoing the stained glass is stocked with organic foods, nuts, pomegranate tea and dark chocolates, among the brain-healthy choices.
Sheet music for a challenging, but favorite piece sits on a grand piano, and an array of puzzle books and maps is scattered on end tables along with dozens of family photos. Pictured are Gavan’s two grandfathers, two aunts, three uncles and her mom, who all lived with Alzheimer’s or some form of dementia.
Not much was written for families 30 years ago when her first uncle was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, Gavan recalled. She read, researched and learned through trial and error what worked best in relating to and helping her family members with mental faculties fading in and out.
“The only thing someone living with any form of thinking problem needs is whatever love would do next,” she said. “Treat them with patience, kindness, generosity and more patience.”
But there are also brain-boosting practical tips to stave off mental deterioration, she said.
“Even with profound cognitive impairment, you can still learn new things and activate parts of the brain never developed before,” Gavan said.
She knows an Alzheimer’s patient who learned Spanish and a woman with Parkinson’s for 27 years who learned to paint.
“Ann Williams took up painting to fire up more of her brain,” Gavan said. “She has a profound shake like Michael J. Fox, but when she paints she doesn’t shake.”
Gradually, Gavan began fielding calls for help from neighbors, friends and strangers. Working for decades as a writer, in sales and advertising and as a corporate trainer and consultant, she decided in 2006 to launch a website and organization offering support and practical advice for families struggling with a loved one’s mental losses.
“I’m a daughter trying to help some other daughter with what I went through,” she said. “I realized there wasn’t one place families could go to for information.
“I started by helping one family at a time, and it’s been over 500 families from 95 countries, and thousands more visit the website at www.bettyslove.org.”
Matt Martin, who grew up in LaGrange Park and now lives in Naperville, said he wished he had known about Betty’s Love’s principles when his favorite aunt, a former nun, no longer knew him, and it became too sad to visit her.
“Maureen’s message was a reality check,” Martin said. “I wish I had taken her class before my aunt became sick.
“The more upbeat approach would have been to help her with puzzles, music or even walks,” he said. “Keep the conversation to things she still appreciated, things in the present, local sounds, sights, smells. We would have had much more pleasant visits.”